


Ignorance is (definitely not) bliss

by RachelIsWriting



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff and Smut, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Phil Lester is in denial, Tropes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-09
Updated: 2020-11-08
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:22:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 9,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22183267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RachelIsWriting/pseuds/RachelIsWriting
Summary: A gift for @jestbee.After Dan surprises Phil by agreeing to his stupid fake relationship plan to impress the bosses at his company we spend the week with them in New York. Where Phil tries desperately to think of everything but Dan, and Dan tries everything he can to make sure that doesn’t happen.
Relationships: Dan Howell & Phil Lester, Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 48
Kudos: 120
Collections: Jestbee's Birthday Fics 2020





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

  * For [jestbee](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jestbee/gifts).



> This is a work in progress. Jane knows why.
> 
> Jane. My fic senpai. My friend. You are a wonderful human and you are loved more than you will ever know by so many people.
> 
> Thank you. 
> 
> This has not been beta read.

“Absolutely no fucking way Phil” Dan shouted. “Last time we tried this I ended up hooking up with the bridesmaid”

“And the best man” 

“This flat is a no slut shaming zone, and you were the best man so that’s partially your fault”

Phil rolled his eyes at Dan and walked away without saying anything else.

Phil had a problem, his work were sending him off to a conference in the States to meet all the big bosses in their New York branch. They had offered for him to take someone with him. 

His boyfriend. A boyfriend he didn’t have.

His work had long assumed that the man he had lived with for the past 7 years was his boyfriend and because Phil was Phil he had never told them anything different.

He wasn’t close enough with anyone there that it mattered, but as he was climbing up the ranks and being more involved in things it had started to get painfully awkward.

Then this invitation was handed out to him. A 7 day all expenses paid trip for him and his partner. Phil would be working during some of the day, then he had the rest of the time free for some “romance” as his boss had oddly put it.

Not only was he expected to do a huge speech at the end of the week, he also had the anxiety of the ‘Dan is not his boyfriend’ situation.

So he did the only logical thing, got Dan drunk and begged him to pretend.

But that didn’t work

Neither did offering to pay him to do it

So this is where he was left. Sat on the sofa with a pissed off Dan and a huge fucking problem.

Dan walked back into the room and sat down on the sofa with a huff.

“If I do this”

Phils eyes popped out of his head as he turned excitedly to stare at Dan.

“If! I do this for you, then you owe me” 

“Anything you want, within reason!”

“I’m sure I can think of something. I hope you realise what you are asking me is fucking insane. That this goes beyond the limits of normal friendship and puts us at levels that go beyond even our friendship”

It was true that his and Dan's relationship was a bit strange, they were best friends and roommates, soulmates and sometimes lovers. In another world they would be married with 2 dogs, but this world? They were just Dan and Phil. 

Undefined by normal standards. Just an apartment and an extremely well designed fish tank.

They weren’t together, but they weren’t with anyone else either. Did Phil want more than that? He didn’t ever think about it, that was a rabbit hole he didn’t want to go down. A fear spiral that had no ending.

“I’m not saying I’ll do it, but I’m not saying I won’t, I just need time to think ok?”

“We have to leave in 2 days so take all the time you need”

“Oh for fucks sake Phil how long have you known about this bloody trip?”

“2 weeks?” Phil replied bashfully hiding his face behind his hands.

Dan just grunted before letting out an exasperated breath. “We need to work on your honesty and communication skills Phil, your life would be so much simpler if you just told the truth sometimes”

Phil didn’t want to think about that statement too much.

——————-

It was the following morning when Dan agreed to Phils proposal. Phil had hardly slept the night before and had given up trying about 4am, choosing instead to climb out of bed and practice telling his boss that his boyfriend wasn’t actually his boyfriend as he led him to believe for at least 2 years.

So it was with a thankful air that he made Dans breakfast for him, taking extra special care to not burn his toast or put too much milk in his tea.

He wasn’t trying to butter him up exactly, just show him how thankful he was that he had agreed.

After breakfast they sorted out the travel paperwork, luckily Dan still had his visa from a travel thing he has done earlier in the year so that was less of a panic for them, and his boss had sorted out the airplane tickets.

They spent the rest of the day packing with a small visit to the shops when Dan realised he hadn’t got anything suitable to wear for the trip, taking a small chunk out of Phil's bank account when he was told to be the “dutiful boyfriend”.

Again, not buttering up, just being a good friend.

Although the look on the sales assistants face was a picture when Phil handed over his card for all Dan’s purchases

Not as lovely as the look on Dan’s face.

Again, rabbit holes and swirly whirls of fear that Phil chose to ignore.

When they arrived back at the flat Phil made them both a dinner while Dan washed and packed his new clothes away in his luggage. They ate dinner and settled down to binge watch Sherlock, they were half way through season 3 and Dan was trying to argue that they shouldn’t bother with season 4. Whereas Phil was a glutton for punishment (and a total Johnlock Stan) so was arguing the case why they should continue on regardless.

Their flight was at stupid o’clock in the am so Phil made sure they got to bed at a reasonable hour, making sure the flat was as tidy as he could before doing so. Dan joked that only mums tidied the house before going on holiday, which Phil rebutted with the fact that he was actually a Daddy so that shut Dan up pretty quickly (after noticing a slight blush on his cheeks that Phil decided to pretend he didn’t see). 

——-

Phil was woken at 5am by Dan chucking a pillow at his head causing him to scream and fall out of bed. This was followed by Dan laughing for 5 minutes as Phil grumbled under his breath then whacking Dan with his pillow as a way of shutting him up.

They managed to leave the apartment (twice, the first time was a fail when Dan realised he had forgotten his charger cable) and got a taxi to the airport.

Phils travel anxiety meant they arrived at check in before it actually opened which caused Dans eyes to roll back out of his head and he walked away to find somewhere to sit and wait.

Eventually check in opened and they made their way to the front of the queue. Only to get a massive surprise.

“We’ve upgraded you to business class today gentlemen”

They both looked at each other in shock, Dan quickly grabbed their passports and tickets and ran away from the counter before she could change her mind. Phil shouted a thank you as they ran off, both giggling maniacally.

They made their way to the business class lounge to get breakfast and settled down for the next couple of hours, each going through a plate of pancakes and too many cups of coffee while they did so.

Before long their gate was called and they headed over to where they needed to be, handing over their passports and tickets to the member of staff which Phil half expected her to hand back with a “sorry boys, back to economy for you” luckily she didn’t and they made their way onto the plane.

Both their jaws dropped when they got to their seats,

“That’s it, I can only travel business class from now on Phil, better start saving for our next holiday”

Phil ignored what that could possibly mean instead choosing to sit in his huge seat, with the most leg room that had ever been afforded to him before. 

The rest of the flight was spent snuggled under blankets, drinking all the free alcohol they could cope with, eating luxury snacks and the most delicious plane food. Phil didn’t think anyone had ever uttered that sentence before but he meant it.

Dan also insisted they time beginning the films they were watching so they started together. “It’s pointless if I’m hearing you giggle at a part I haven’t reached yet” was Dan’s reply when Phil enquired as to why that was necessary.

A lot of Phil’s time was also spent thinking about what the hell was going to happen on this trip. He knew the big bosses at his company thought Dan was his partner. Did they expect everything that came with. 

Phil didn’t think he’d have to bend Dan over the conference room table but just simple things like hand holding, cheek kisses and soft touches that people in long term relationships found second nature.

That actually, he and Dan found easy to do. 

But again, Phil didn’t want to think about that.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a little distraction for me.
> 
> I’m sorry if you expected more from me.
> 
> Not beta read.

“Stop flirting with the air hostesses Phil, it’s unbecoming”

Phils head snapped round to face Dan.

“I smiled at his joke about free nuts, I wasn’t exactly offering him a quickie in the airplane toilet Daniel”

Dan just cackled and threw his head back in mirth. 

“If that’s all you think you did when you need to work on your self awareness around strangers bub”

Phil reached out and poked Dan in his dimple.

“And jealousy is unbecoming of you BUB”

“Ha, dream on Phil”

But Phil didn’t want to admit what he dreamt about Dan, so he simply turned away and tucked into his 12th pack of the free snacks.

Ok so the host was cute, and kept bringing Phil extra snacks, and drinks, and asking if he was ok, or needed an extra blanket. 

Ok and he might have kinda winked whenever he said “Sir” at the end of all their interactions but it wasn’t exactly flirting

God Phil was useless at this kind of thing. 

So he did what any normal person would do. Ignored the whole thing until he got off the flight.

And if it was kind of unprofessional of the host to pass Phil his number when they were leaving the plane, well Phil didn’t want to comment on that.

“Ok so maybe I was flirting, and apparently it worked Dan” he said as he showed him the slip of paper as they waited in the queue for immigration checks.

“You aren’t seriously going to anything with that are you? He probably passes his number out to all and sundry, you’d just be one on a long list” Dan replied not meeting Phils eyes.

“No slut shaming remember Dan, anyway I can’t help it if everyone wants to get all up in this” Phil replied with a laugh.

“Yeah sure, everyone, just remember who was there first and stayed the longest” 

Dans eyes finally met Phils. 

Phil couldn't handle the laser like stare with which Dan held him in. 

So he simply said

“Thought you weren’t jealous Dan”

“Nothing to be jealous of, yet another guy gave you his number. Not like you can do much about it this week anyway. I’m your boyfriend remember?”

“Yeah, like I could forget”

There was lots of things Phil wanted to forget. 

But that was another key to another door in his brain that he couldn’t lose.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ya girl is bringing the tropes out for the lads.
> 
> For Jane, who I don’t deserve.

His work had booked them a car to collect them from the airport to take them to the hotel. The driver was waiting at arrivals with a sign that said P. Lester which made Phil feel like a celebrity.

They both headed toward the driver who simply nodded his head in recognition when Phil identified himself and headed out the door to where the car was sat waiting.

It was a giant car compared to the taxis they were used to taking at home.

“Looks like it will fit all your luggage in Danny” Phil said with a smirk to Dan as they walked towards the vehicle.

Dan simply rolled his eyes in reply and left Phil to put the suitcases in the back of the car with the driver.

They spent the short journey to the hotel arguing about where they were planning to eat after they had checked in. Both ultimately agreeing that if they were in New York it had to be pizza, although Dan had about 40 places he wanted to go eat all the food he deemed instagram worthy.

They arrived at the hotel which looked pretty darn swish. Dan was in awe at the architecture which was modern yet classic at the same time, all exposed brick and rich greenery everywhere.

There was a food market attached the hotel which offered lots of little cafes and food offers, Phil drooling over one of the shops that was selling huge doughnuts. Dan was happy that there was a coffee shop and headed off to grab them both a drink while Phil checked them in.

Phil watched Dan walk away, he was slightly anxious about sharing a bedroom. They had done it before obviously after nights spent together, but never as friends.

Never slept together without long limbs wrapped together, warm hands on soft flesh and bare skin pressed against bare skin. 

He had googled the hotel when his company had sent them his itinerary so he knew the rooms had 2 double beds, this made him feel a little less anxious, but also like he was missing out.

Knowing that Dan was sleeping next to him but he couldn’t reach out and cuddle against him, couldn't he snuggled against, that was something Phil didn’t want to think about. 

Dan returned as Phil finished checking in, chai lattes in hands and a bag containing something that was leaving a slight sheen of grease against the brown paper it was contained in.

“Are those doughnuts?!” Phil practically squealed at him.

“They might be if you play your cards right”

“Knew I kept you around for a reason, bringing me sugary treats”

“Oh god you’ll be up all night if I get you all hopped up on sugar”

“You should be so lucky to have me up all night Dan” Phil said with a smirk and wink.

“Ha you wish Phil, also we talked about the winking thing. You can’t do it so stop trying” Dan’s laughed at Phils attempt at such a flirty move.

If Phil had looked a moment longer, he would have noticed the smile and blush that followed. But, Phil wasn’t very good at looking at things that were right in front of his face.

Until he opened the door to their hotel room and it was staring him in the face.

There was only one bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ANd theRe wAs ONly oNE beD


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not beta read.
> 
> Also I’m ace af so I apologise for trying something new. Please tell me if it’s rubbish!

Phil just stood in the doorway while Dan walked into the room, threw his backpack on the ONE BED and sat down on the edge of it.

“If you wanted to get me into bed you only had to ask Phil, or just start kissing my neck that's normally the way that goes” Dan said with a smirk thrown in Phil’s direction.

Phil felt a blush rising to his cheek “That isn’t what happens and you know it, but i didn't do this to get you into bed”

“So why the one bed?”

“I didn’t book the room remember, my company did”

“Well I’m up for snuggles Philly, and anything else you fancy” Dan said with a wink before getting up and moving into the bathroom.

Phil put his hands on his face, rubbing them through his hair and yanking slowly so the discomfort felt on the outside matched what he was feeling inside.

Not that he was feeling anything on the inside, nothing stirring deep in the parts of his brain that was triple locked away. Nothing he certainly wanted to acknowledge when he was about to sleep in the same bed as Dan for the next week.

He eventually walked fully into the room, emptied his backpack and put his phone on charge. He had a few messages from work, so he called the American office that he would be liaising with over the following days.

While he was on the phone Dan walked back into the room. Phil’s eyes followed him as he moved round the room, unpacking his backpack and suitcase before signalling to Phil if it was ok to open his. Phil nodded and carried on chatting to his colleague who he would be working closely with.

The phone call continued for another 30 minutes, Dan eventually getting bored and laying back on the bed scrolling through his phone and pulling faces at Phil to get him to giggle. Towards the end of the seemingly never ending conversation Dan decided he was so bored that he needed to make Phil so wound up that he had no choice but to end the call.

Phil watched as Dan crawled up the bed towards where Phil was sitting on an armchair that was facing it. He mouthed the words “I’m so bored” Phil just shook his head in response and mouthed his apologies. 

Dan just said “You will be” and moved to where Phil was sitting. He moved round the back of the chair, and started rubbing his hands down Phil’s arms, stroking through phil’s hair and the back of his neck. Phil bristled with the contact, this was a common occurrence when Phil was on the phone and ignoring Dan. He did everything he could to get Phil’s attention back.

Dan hadn’t realised that he always had Phil’s attention.

The touching stilled while Dan tried to judge Phil’s reactions.Phil didn't let himself react and carried on talking to the person on the phone, trying hard not to focus too much on the situation and concentrate on the very important business talk he was having. That’s when Dan stepped it up. Phil felt hot breath on the ear that wasn’t connected to his mobile, a whisper of “I’m still bored” uttered into it. Phil shuddered at this, the lips connected to the shell of his ear slowly moving down his neck before kissing his shoulder. 

Dan then moved away, circling back round the chair and staring Phil in his eyes.

Phil had played this game before, Phil always won this game. 

He simply opened his legs and sat fully back in the chair, continuing to talk about the schedule for the week. Laughing at the person on the phone, not once breaking the eye contact that was so intense he thought he was going to pop.

Slowly Dan knelt in front of Phil, pushing himself into the gap between Phil’s legs and began stroking Phil’s thighs. He started at his knees, slowly working his way further up , moving his hands up the inseam of Phil’s jeans. Phil simply put his free hand on Dan’s cheek, stroking the soft skin, running his thumb across Dan’s bottom lip.

Phil never lost this game, Dan always gave in, but this time he wanted to give in. To throw the phone at the wall and join their lips together.

But this was only a game, this wasn’t a prelude to anything other than Dan being a brat and wanting attention. Phil was sure of that.

When Dan let Phil’s thumb move into his open mouth and moaned, that's when Phil ended the call.

He leant forward, moving his hand to the back of Dan’s neck and said against his lips.

“I’m going to get coffee”

He then moved Dan’s hands and stood up, pulling Dan up with him.

Dan stared into his eyes, Phil broke the eye contact that had been so intense but had turned into something else. Something his brain refused to question.

“Can I come?” Dan asked with a strange look on his face.

Phil looked at Dan again, trying to force the thought of what he really wanted to do from his mind and instead saying.

“Dan, you know I always let you come when you ask”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading 💓


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry for the massive delay. Writing “love” isn’t the easiest thing for me to do so I hope you enjoy.
> 
> This is un beta read, any issues are my own, please be nice.
> 
> CONTAINS A MASSIVE SPOILER FOR IT CHAPTER 2

They walked into the coffee shop next to the hotel, Phil pushing Dan towards getting a table while he ordered for them needing the short time alone to get his head back in the right space.

It’s moments like the one in the hotel room which broke Phil, made him feel that entertaining the thought of his feelings being mutual would be the best thing. But then he sees the way Dan eyes the guy in the booth next to theirs, sees the way his eyes drag across the room like he’s searching for a new target of affections. 

If Phil only kept looking for longer maybe he would see who the target always is.

He ordered them both an iced coffee, his with all the sugary syrup and cream that could be packed in, and Dan’s with just a shot of vanilla to take the bitter edge off. He also ordered 2 pastries to go with because sweet drinks need flaky baked goods it’s the law.

He tapped his card onto the payment screen in front of him and moved along to the collection point to wait for his items. He took his phone out of his pocket to scroll through his emails while he was waiting. He noticed that his company had sent his itinerary through so had a quick look over it. The main thing that stood out was a meal with his bosses for the following evening.

His name was called so he grabbed his tray and walked over to the table, making sure that he didn’t spill the tray over anyone seated at the tables on his route.

He placed the tray in front of Dan, making him jump slightly.

“Sign of a guilty conscience that is” Phil remarked.

“Sign that I’ve been around you too long and am constantly on edge actually Phil” Dan replied as he reached over to take a large bite of one of the pastries.

“That one was mine you cheeky bastard”

“Meh” Dan said with a shake of his shoulders “we will end up sharing anyway so don’t be rude”

Phil said nothing just reached for his drink and pulled out his phone.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, Dan stealing bites when he thought Phil wasn’t paying attention and Phil looking through the itinerary.

“Did you bring something to wear to a posh meal?” He asked Dan looking up and meeting his eyes.

“If I say no, are you going to flash your credit card and buy me something nice to wear like a sugar daddy?” Dan replied, staring straight back at him.

Phil felt his cheeks flame as Dan continued.

“But I did, shame I’d love to have used and abused your credit limit” 

“Someone needs to keep you in oversized striped jumpers I suppose, might as well be me” 

“Hey, if something makes me look this good I can’t help but keep wearing it”

“Can’t help but to agree with you there,” Phil replied, finally breaking eye contact and looking down at his drink.

He continued to feel Dan’s eyes on him but he didn’t want to look up and let Dan see his true feelings about how good he thought the other man looked at all times.

“Anyway, a meal you say? Is this posh as in you get the little bottles of ketchup for your chips or posh as in I get to have a Pretty Woman training montage to learn about all the different cutlery?”

“It’s sushi, and posh as in we need to dress up and not get so pissed on sake you decide to try to eat a spoonful of wasabi ”

“Phil that was one time! Anyway you always dribble soy sauce so don’t blame me if they think we don’t belong there”

“That’s why we need to look nice so they think we do belong”

“Well it’s a good job you always think I look nice then eh Philly?” 

—————

They walked back to the hotel after having coffee and a walk round the local area, Phil being dragged into various shops by Dan and Phil being talked into buying things for him because after Dan was “doing him a favour so he owed him big time”

Phil would have done it anyway.

They had picked up food to take back into the room both feeling too tired to eat out and just wanted to get into pj’s and relax in bed.

Bed.

One bed.

Phil had nearly forgotten that fact. Forgotten that he was going to have to share a bed with the guy he had feelings for.

And he had bought garlic bread!

Not that it mattered. But it might matter if he wakes up at 4am with his head pressed into Dan’s shoulder,legs entangled together with his arm thrown across his chest and Dan holding his hand.

“Fuck” Phil was broken out of his thoughts by a sudden pain. 

“Um Phil I don’t think you are supposed to walk into lamp posts in real life!” Dan said barely hiding his laughter “Fuck are you ok?” He said putting his hand to the red mark in Phil’s forehead.

Phil leaned into the touch but pulled quickly away and laughed in embarrassment of himself being the ultimate klutz.

“That’s what you get for not paying attention, filling your brain with thoughts only to get them knocked straight out”

Of this Phil was actually grateful, he should not be having any thoughts at all.

“Yeah, I suppose, I hope no-one was filming”

“Mate I hope someone was that shit would go viral on YouTube!”

“Hey it’s you that wanted to be YouTube famous Dan not me maybe you should whack your head on a metal post instead of me”

“Look the only thing worth hitting your head on is a headboard Phil you know that”

“Don’t steal jokes Daniel it’s unbecoming of you” 

—-

They reached the hotel door without any further problems, both laughing at the looks the concierge gave them as they walked in with what was probably too many bags for the short amount of time they were out. 

Phil opened the bedroom door and Dan followed behind, throwing his bags on the floor and then himself onto the bed.

“Feed me Seymour I’m feeling hangry, and you know you don’t like me when I’m hangry” Dan said throwing his arm across his forehead dramatically.

“What made you think I liked you anyway you donut, now get your shoes off the bed” Phil replied slapping Dan’s legs.

“Yes sir” Dan said with an exaggerated wink.

“I’m not playing, but be a good boy yeah and I might let you have first pick of the dips”

Phil didn’t stay to see Dan’s reaction as he headed into the bathroom.

Which is a good thing I suppose.

No thinking. No thoughts. No evidence to gain or inspect.

—

After changing into his nightwear and washing his hands and face of the NY grime that seemed to settle he walked back into the room where Dan had set everything out onto the bed. He’d even poured their Diet Coke into 2 wine glasses from the side.

“Ooh fancy” he remarked.

“When I get a man in my bedroom I like to impress, pull out all the stops”

“Is that’s why you’ve got your Game of Thrones pj’s on because that’s not going to work on many people”

“I know it works on you Phil” Dan said, his dimples pinking up as he looked at the older man.

“A lot of things work on me Dan, that’s why I keep you around” Phil said settling down onto the empty space Dan had left on the bed and shoving a few chips into his mouth.

Dan sat in silence for a few moments before turning to the tv and asking what they should watch.

Phil was grateful for the change of subject and settled back against the headboard letting Dan scroll through the channels before deciding on IT Chapter 2.

They worked their way through the food in front of them, barely talking, to enrapt in the goings-on of the movie. Eventually the food was gone so Dan tidied away the rubbish and settled back against the headboard, his arm pressing against Phil’s.

Phil kept stifling yawns but he soon began to feel his eyelids droop shut, only being lulled out of his doze by Dan crying.

“Dan? Are you ok?”

“He didn’t need to die at the end Phil”

“Who? Pennywise?!”

“No you idiot, Eddie, he was supposed to make it out of the sewers and live his best gay life with Richie”

“Ok Dan, I think it’s time for bed” Phil said softly laughing as he did so.

“I just want them to be happy” Dan said sobbing openly on the final word.

“Not everyone gets a happy ending though” Phil replied stroking Dan’s hand that was on the bed next to him. “You have to live with the cards you are dealt”

“I’m too sad for this” Dan said his tears slowing down “let’s go to sleep”

“If I dream of space clowns after this then I’m blaming you”

Phil pulled back the duvet and got in, lifting up the other side for Dan to climb in. They both settled in facing each other.

“Do you think that Phil?”

“Think what?”

“That you won’t get a happy ending?”

“Nobody knows that, like I said you live with what you get”

“Are you happy now though?” 

“Right this second?”

“Right this second”

“Yeah I’m pretty damn happy”

“Me too” 

—————————————————


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Find yourself a man who looks at you like Phil Lester looks at pancakes,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, not beta read.

Phil woke up with a start as he heard a door slam, drawing him out of the pleasant dream he had been having about Timothee Chalamet feeding him peaches.

He looked over to where Dan had been sleeping only to find his side of the bed empty, the pillow and duvet still crumpled where he had been laying. 

The bathroom door was open so Phil knew Dan had left, he sat up and checked his phone, it was showing 6am but had no messages from Dan as to why he had left so early in the morning. 

He snuggled back down into the warmth of the soft hotel bedding, putting down his phone and closing his eyes again hoping to dream more about a cute curly haired guy wanting to feed him sweet things. 

“Wake up Philly” 

Phil woke up with a start for a second time, this time to a sweaty Dan sitting next to him with a takeaway cup in his hand.

“Urgh, why are you so sweaty?he asked at the same time he grabbed the drink out of Dan’s hand.

“Met a guy in the lift on the way to get coffee, charmed me with his American accent and the fact he looked like Hiros brother from Big Hero 6, he took me back to his room and rocked my world” 

Phil rolled his eyes dramatically as Dan started laughing.

“Jet lag is almost as big a bitch as you are so I went to use the treadmill in the gym”

“First, Rude. Second, the hotel gym isn’t supposed to be used, it’s more of a show piece than a working room”

“Like your bedroom then,” Dan said with a wink and a smirk.

Phil choked on the coffee he was drinking.

“Anyway Phil, we are in New York, everyone works out”

“Not me Danny boy, this body is a god given gift”

“And the gift was given by IHOP”

“Ooooh can we get pancakes for breakfast???”

“I can’t believe we made it this long before you mentioned pancakes, but of course we can, let me shower first”

Dan lifted himself off the bed, pulling his t-shirt off as he went into the bathroom, turning at the last minute and throwing it at Phils face.

Phil made a loud noise of disgust at the feel of the damp garment as it hit his cheek, the sound covered by Dan’s cackling from the en suite and the click of the shower turning on.

Dan’s head popped out from round the open door.

“I would ask if you’d want to join me but I’ve already had my morning workout” he said with a wink.

“I’m saving my energy for eating pancakes, I can’t eat you as well”

“But I bet I would taste just as good covered in syrup” Dan said with a shout as he closed the bathroom door.

Phil didn’t say anything, just grabbed his phone and lay back down, rubbing the material of Dan’s t-shirt under his fingers as he scrolled absentmindedly through his emails.

—-

Phils eyes nearly popped out of his head when the waitress placed the plate of food in front of him, a stack of three golden pancakes dripping with syrup, topped with melting butter and powdered sugar.

“Find yourself a man who looks at you like Phil Lester looks at pancakes,” Dan said, pulling Phils eyes away from his breakfast.

“You’ll never be as hot as these pancakes Dan”

“Told you already, cover me in syrup and let’s find out” Dan replied staring into Phils eyes.

There was a sudden cough next to them as the waitress placed the plate containing Dan’s breakfast on the table in front of him. 

“Can I get you anything else gentlemen?” The waitress asked, “more syrup maybe?” 

Phil felt his cheeks flame red at the implication behind her question and he felt himself unable to reply.

Dan had no such problems.

“Maybe later, do you sell bottles to take away?”

The waitress giggled as she walked away, Phil felt no doubt in his mind that they were going to be discussed by most of the staff waiting by the kitchen.

“Stop looking so freaked out and enjoy your pancakes” Dan said, nudging Phils foot under the table, sending him a comforting smile as he did so.

Phils blush didn’t leave his cheeks for most of breakfast, he was on high alert for the whole of the meal, his ears pricking up everytime he heard laughter coming from any of the wait staff.

He didn’t know what he was more embarrassed about, the thought that he was being discussed by strangers or the fact that the thought of Dan covered in syrup was not a thought he should be having at all.

It was an incredibly pleasant thought.

But again, no thoughts, head empty. 

Dan finished his too healthy looking breakfast first, Phil made every mouthful of pancake last. Dan was sticking to a mostly vegan diet at home so pancakes were few and far between. Not that Phil had to follow what Dan was doing, it was just easier when it came to buying food for them both. 

The waitress topped up their coffees and brought over the bill, they sat for a while enjoying each other’s company and listening to the hustle and bustle of the busy restaurant while they finished their drinks.

Phil headed to the bathroom while Dan headed to the counter to pay, it took him a while to get all the sticky syrup off his hands and face. He was an adult, how the hell did he manage to get it everywhere?! 

As he left the bathroom and headed to the exit he saw Dan laughing with the waitress, a small brown bag in his hand. He walked over to them and she smiled at Phil.

“Enjoy the rest of your day sir”

“Oh, thank you” Phil replied with a small smile.

Dan giggled and winked at the waitress “oh I think he will” and shook the bag at her.

She laughed loudly and waved as they left the restaurant.

“What’s in the bag Dan?” Phil said when they got outside. 

Dan said nothing, just smirked and opened the bag.

Phil peered inside, feeling himself blush when he realised what was in there.

About a dozen small pots of syrup and a handwritten note that said “Enjoy”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, I appreciate all of y’all


	7. 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I had to change the rating and the tags for this. 
> 
> I don’t do this, I have no clue if this is any good.
> 
> I’m so sorry.
> 
> This whole fic is not beta read, any glaring problems let me know!

Dan clutched the brown paper bag as they headed back to the hotel, Phil telling him the whole way that if he thought anything was going to happen with that syrup then he would be out of his mind.

As much as Phil wanted to drip the still warm syrup all over Dan, watch as it ran across all the sharp edges and lick wherever it landed, follow the streams of sugar as it made its way across tanned soft skin. 

He swallowed hard as he met Dan’s eyes in the lift up to the hotel room. Felt his stare matched just as intensely. Let his eyes follow the planes of Dan’s face, follow the blush that was spreading across his cheeks, down to where his lips were still glistening from the coffee he was drinking as they walked.

Wanted to break the silence by leaning forward and seeing if he could just take what he wanted, wanted to find an answer to the question that he always had in the back of his mind.

Dan’s eyes also fluttered down to Phils lips, then to the bob of his adam’s apple as he swallowed firmly, trying to clear his throat to say something, anything.

He was about to make a step forward, to see what would happen if he gave into the voice in his head that was screaming JUST KISS when the silence was broken by his phone ringing.

The air around them was shattered as the phone kept ringing and the lift doors opened as they reached their floor.

Dan practically ran out of the lift and headed to their room while Phil was left standing, only realising he should follow when the doors began to shut on him.

He picked his phone out of his pocket as he walked through into the hotel room, he’d missed the call but it showed as being his US contact from their company so he clicked to call them back. Dan wasn’t in the room as he sat down on the chair next to the desk, pulling it closer to the window so he could enjoy the view. 

His contact was explaining that there was going to be an all day meeting tomorrow starting at 9am and lasting until 6pm, followed by a small get together at a local bar that his partner was expected to attend.

Phil hoped that Dan would be ok with being left all day, but he was a grown man, in one of the best cities in the world, he was bound to find something to entertain himself with.

He heard the shower running as he chatted, wondering why Dan was having another one after only just showering before breakfast . He finished the conversation a few minutes later after writing down all the information he needed. 

He walked over to the door and knocked to make sure Dan was okay as he had been in there for a while. He wasn’t expecting to hear sounds he normally heard in the depth of their nights together.

A breathless Dan,only just loud enough to be heard over the sound of the shower, but Phil definitely heard moans, noises that Phil usually wrung out of him during moments they spent under the covers.

It went straight to his dick, the blood rushing from his ears straight south. He felt himself harden against the tightness of his jeans, reaching down to take some of the pressure off by squeezing lightly.

When Phil knocked again, he heard a noise he wasn’t expecting, a shout of Phil, followed by more heavy breathing and moans, words definitely meant for Phil to hear. 

In a moment of madness Phil tried the door handle, deciding to leave this moment down to one thing, whether it was locked or not. He knew if it wasn’t then it was an invitation for Phil to join him, and if it was locked then that was it. It was a moment he was meant to experience only on the sidelines.

Taking a deep breath he pushed down, feeling it give under his hand and the door open in front of him.

He stood in silence as he saw Dan turn his head to him, stood under the running water, one hand on himself and the other holding himself up against the shower door.

Phil swallowed hard, followed the water as it fell onto Dan, followed the movement of Dan’s hand as it moved up and down, twisting against himself. He watched the movement of Dan’s chest, breathing hard, gasping for air, gasping against the water that was beating against him and the pleasure that Phil could see was building.

He didn’t move until Dan nodded, a silent answer to the question Phil didn’t need to ask, from that point he moved swiftly, ripping his t shirt off over his head and opening the shower door.

He took his jeans off as he held Dan’s stare, the look between them impossible to be broken at this point. Shaking his jeans and his underwear down his legs and off his ankles, trying desperately not to trip over, knowing that the chances were high being as clumsy as he is. 

“Dan, please tell me this is ok”

He whispered out, as much as he wanted to reach out and touch he knew he needed to know that Dan was ok with this. That he wanted this as much as Phil did.

Dan’s answer was to reach his hand toward Phil, to wrap his hand doing the back of Phils neck and drag them both together into a searing kiss. Phil pressed himself up against the full length of Dan’s naked body, the slide of the shower water making it easy to feel every part of the man kissing him.

Their matching heights meant he felt the press of Dan’s cock against his as they rocked together, Phil being brought to full hardness by the depth of the kiss. 

They licked and breathed into each other’s mouth as Phil pushed Dan up against the cold tile of the shower. Matching each other’s moans as Phil moved his head and bit into the soft flesh of Dan’s neck. Kissed and licked across to the hard jut of his shoulder blade and sunk his teeth in and sucked hard as Dan moaned and grabbed Phils ass to bring him as close as possible.

Phil swallowed down Dan’s moans as he moved his hand down to touch Dan’s cock, rubbed his thumb across the slit and twisted, he knew exactly what Dan wanted. 

Their relationship has long been this, Phil knew how to react to every nuance of Dan. The only thing he struggled with was what came after. But this part? Making Dan cum? This he knew, this he could do. 

The whine that left Dan’s throat, the broken plea for Phil made him speed up, his other hand touching himself at the same time, he continued to kiss Dan, biting at his lip, giving him a little pain with his pleasure just like he knew he liked.

Giving Dan everything he wanted was all Phil ever wanted to do. He stopped touching himself to bring his hand up to Dan’s face, to pull at his bottom lip with his thumb. Force Dan to open his eyes and look at him, truly look at him, at the bare emotion he was trying to show all the time.

He rested the tip of his thumb in the dimple that had popped out, his fingers stroking the hair behind his ear. As hot as the moment was, he wanted to show Dan that it wasn’t just passion and pleasure, that there was trust, that there was true feeling behind every motion.

Dan moved his hands from where he was kneading at the globes of Phils ass, bringing them round to take Phil in one of his giant palms, matching Phil for every stroke, every twist, giving it as good as he was getting. The other rested on his shoulder, stroking lightly at the skin of his neck.

Phil could feel it building in his belly, a searing heat that he wanted to give into, wanted to give the same feeling to Dan, make sure that Dan was enjoying every second of this as he was.

He felt the water begin to cool as they continued, Phil pressed Dan harder against the tiles, kissed him so hard that he was losing breath, he brought his other hand to pull at the hair at the back of Dan’s neck, pull his mouth away from his and began to bite at the mark in his collarbone, the skin already bruising as he sucked harder before he felt Dan come in his hand, a groan wracked from his throat as Phil continued to suck hard and worked him through it. 

Dan’s hand stilled on Phil while his orgasm worked through him, so Phil moved Dan’s hand away and gripped himself tightly, quickly working himself to his own high. Dan moved to kiss Phil as he came back round, placing both hands around his neck and running his hands through his hair.

While Phil knew how to make Dan cum, with hard touches and biting, Dan knew to do the opposite, knew that soft touches and affection worked more for Phil than anything else. It didn’t take long before Phil was cumming, Dan swallowing down the whispered shout of his own name.

Phil broke the kiss first, pressing his forehead against Dan, both breathing hard and also beginning to feel the chill from the now cold shower.

They looked into each other’s eyes as Phil reached down to turn off the shower. Phil waited for the disconnect that usually came after they finished. Waited for Dan to push him away and leave him alone, wait for the awkward silence that came after. 

Things always went this way, they had moments together but nothing else. Dan did not want more from Phil in that moment than an orgasm.

So when Dan kissed Phil again softly, running his hands though Phils soaking wet hair, stroking his hands down Phils arms before he laced their fingers together Phil didn’t know how to react.

He squeezed Dan’s hand not knowing what to do next, Dan making the decision for him by opening the door and walking with him into the bedroom.

“Nap, you can be big spoon” is all Dan said before he lay down, skin still damp, face and body still blushed red.

Phil had no other choice than to follow Dan blindly. Wondering if any of that had actually happened or whether he was actually already asleep, or hadn’t actually woke up this morning.

The only thing that made him know that wasn’t the truth was a crumpled brown bag from the diner.

So he simply lay down behind Dan, pulling the thin sheet across them both. Dan moved back, pressing against Phil and moving Phil’s hands around himself.

There was so much he wanted to say, but knew that he didn’t want to lose this time with Dan so he simply pulled him closer and closed his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I disassociated writing this because I’m an asexual woman, this was a whole thing.
> 
> Thanks for reading :)


	8. 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Um surprise?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finished it, yay question mark?

Phil knew before he opened his eyes that Dan had gone. The warm weight that he had felt as he went to sleep was replaced with a chill from the AC unit and an open space in front of him. He opened his eyes slowly, the only proof Dan had been in bed with him was the sleep wrinkled pillow next to his own.

He knew that the spell from earlier had been broken, the moment however much it had meant in those seconds had gone, like leaves on an autumn tree.

The silence in the room was filled with the silence Phil knew was to come, the static of his thoughts filling the area and his brain until he had no option but to get out of bed and move. An attempt to break the loud by breaking the fog that surrounded him.

Phil reached for his phone where he had left it on the side table, noting the time of late afternoon and the single text from Dan.

_Needed air, gone for a walk._

It wasn’t unusual for Dan to go for a walk in moments like this, using the exercise as an excuse to leave without making the post coital awkwardness too obvious. 

Phil didn’t reply, choosing instead to sit down on the bed and flip through the cable tv channels the hotel had to offer. His phone beeped with a few notifications, one from the family group chat with his mom asking Cornelia a recipe. Some others from people he followed on twitter and Instagram. 

He scrolled mindlessly through Twitter while a fairly innocuous Hallmark movie played on the TV in the background and tried to not make it look like he was waiting for Dan to come back. 

He was, but he didn’t want it to look like that. 

He’d just made the decision to go and get something to eat and was in the process of getting re-dressed when the door to the hotel room was opened as Dan walked in. 

Phil tried not to look up.

He didn't want to do it, just in case his eyes betrayed his brain at that moment.

But Dan was forever a magnet for Phil so he looked up, Dan’s eyes meeting his and a small smile crossed Dan’s face. In his hands were two takeaway cups and two wrapped sandwiches. 

“I thought you might be hungry so I grabbed us something from the deli next door, don’t worry yours has meat on it, not just green stuff” Dan’s voice was light, as if he had none of the worries Phil had.

But Phil supposed that maybe Dan didn’t have any worries, maybe Dan was secure in what their friendship was and this was just another facet of it.

Phil smiled, he didn't think it met his eyes but he tried anyway and moved to grab the item from Dan’s outstretched hands.

They sat in silence in the minutes that followed, the same Hallmark movie playing in the background, a simple love story echoing around the room. Sometimes Phil wished for simple, two people who find love and happiness in such an easy way. 

But then he wouldn’t have Dan, wouldn’t have the life they share. Would he choose simple over what he has?

Looking over at Dan, munching on his vegan wrap, bits of lettuce dropping onto his lap and a smear of hummus on his top lip.

No he probably wouldn’t. 

“Did you enjoy your walk?” Phil finally stuttered out, trying to fill the silence.

“Not really, wish I’d stayed in bed really.” Phil tried not to react to what that meant instead shooting a questioning eyebrow in Dan’s direction “not like that” Dan resumed “New York’s pretty overwhelming when you don’t have someone to share it with”

“You should have woken me up” Phil replied, trying not to let his face blush with the idea of Dan wanting to share this special place with him. “I could have done with a bit of fresh air myself”

“You were zonked, really must have worn yourself out, looked like you needed the nap” Dan added with a wink.

“Jet lag, it really is a bitch”

“Yeah Phil, jet lag”

They didn’t do this, not in the so soon after. The talking about what came before. No flirty moments, it was normally a simple transaction. A wham, bam thank you man, in and out not to be spoken about. So Dan bringing it up was scary territory.

He didn't want to be the first to say anything though, instead choosing to focus on the coffee in front of him, adding more sugar and creamer into the cup. He felt Dan’s eyes on him the whole time though, a burn daring him to look up first, push into the new and bulldoze the old in its wake.

“We aren't going to talk about it then?” Dan said, his words finally making Phil look up. “You really are going to ignore it like always, I don’t know why I expected any different”

“Me ignore it?” Phil asked incredulously, the hand clutching the coffee cup tightening causing a splash to fall out and onto his bare leg.

He stood to grab tissue from the bathroom to wipe the liquid away before it dried into a sticky mess of leg hair, having to pass where Dan was sitting in the process.

“We both ignore it Phil, it’s not one sided” Dan said as he moved to grab Phils hand when he walked by.

Phil looked down at the hand on his, the hand of the man that he was in love with and took a deep breath. 

“I’m pretty sure this whole thing is one sided actually Dan” with that he shook off Dan’s hand and walked into the bathroom.

“What the fuck does that mean Phil, this is a joint agreement, nothing about it is one sided, we both get our itches scratched and don’t have to worry about the shit that comes with it” Dan followed Phil into the bathroom, the small room becoming even smaller with the atmosphere that surrounded them. 

“I worry, just because you can get your rocks off and sleep soundly afterwards doesn’t mean we both do”

Phil didn’t want this, didn’t want to be thousands of miles from home, having this conversation this week. 

“I literally just left you sleeping like a baby Phil that’s bullshit”

“Exactly Dan you LEFT”

“Because I couldn’t stay Phil”

“Because you could stay but you didn’t want to, there’s a difference I think”

Dan stepped closer to where Phil was standing but Phil made himself as small as possible, bringing his arms across his chest and pulling himself as close to the wall as he could. The tension in the room was now thicker than the steam that filled it earlier.

He couldn't do this, couldn't face any truths, didn’t want to lose Dan and that’s the only way this could go.

“Did you want me to stay?”

“I always want you to stay Dan”

“Is that why you asked me here?Is the boyfriend thing even real?”

“It’s real, well apart from being fake, and you knew exactly why I want you here”

“Because I’m your best friend?”

Dan stepped closer.

“Because you are my best friend, and roommate, and a million more things than that. Too many things to lose because of one conversation in a hotel room that we are stuck in for a week”

Dan reached out again for Phils hand, this time Phil let him take it.

“Don’t you think it would be easier if we had the conversation though Phil? If we accepted the truth of our situation?”

“Not when I can’t escape Dan, not when I stand to lose everything and then have to go to work and put on a straight face in a different country”

“Why do you think you will lose everything, don’t you think I’m worrying about that as well? All I want in life is to be your best friend and share moments like this with you. We need to be honest with each other”

“I haven’t been honest with myself for the past seven years Dan I don’t think I can start now”

“Seven years?”

“As long as we’ve lived together Dan”

“That’s a pretty long time to hold onto a lie Phil”

“I’m not lying, I’m ignoring the truth, feigning ignorance for self protection sake.”

“And what about me, don’t you think I deserve to know your truth? Would you like to know my truth Phil? The secret I have barely kept hidden for seven years? The truth you would see if you would look at me for more than five minutes after we’ve had sex. That you wouldn’t instantly run away as soon as you kiss me. There’s nothing to lose when everything is in your hands, Phil I’ve given everything up, every secret I have is yours”

The hand holding Phils squeezed tighter, phil followed the way the tendons flexed across the knuckles, the way the bone of the wrist it was attached to was denting white through tanned skin. His eyes moved up the length of the strong forearm up to the broad shoulder as he finally gave in and looked at the man in front of him.

“Phil, I can’t lose everything if I have nothing so I need you to know how much I love you, that’s all I have and it’s yours, my heart has always been yours Phil, I just need you to open your eyes and realise it”

For the first time in seven years Phil really looked, and he saw everything. He looked at the man in front of him and saw the walls he had built tumble down. He saw every door he had locked inside himself suddenly open, shards of hurt and pain fading away.

“I love you too, I always have”

Phil met Dan’s lips with a kiss, a shared moment breaking the atmosphere in the cramped bathroom and freeing them both from the fog that surrounded them. 

Maybe this wasn’t simple, maybe it wasn’t a made for TV movie version of love. But it was his, and it was Dan’s.

Dan broke the kiss after a few moments.

“So does this mean I don’t have to pretend to be your boyfriend now?”

“I don’t think I ever expected you to pretend bub, I think I just expected you to be exactly who you are”

“Your boyfriend?”

“My boyfriend”

Maybe this wasn’t simple, maybe it wasn’t a made for TV movie version of love. But it was his, and it was Dan’s.

And maybe it was bliss after all.


End file.
